Helping kids with divorce

Two local parents recently finished work on a children’s book with the unique goal of helping kids with divorced parents handle the major change in their family.

Karen Leigh Steed and Scott Schlemmer have lived in the area all their lives, having met and lived together in Columbia but now living separately in Red Bud and Valmeyer, respectively.

As they described, they were married and had two kids in the 2000s, though they ultimately decided to have a divorce in 2009, which required them to attend a series of classes given their young children.

It was their experience in these classes that would set them on the path of writing “P.S. We Love You!”

“We had started going through the divorce process, and in our county just like many others, if you are divorcing and have kids you have to go through some parenting classes as part of the process,” Steed said. “It was interesting because we were going through the classes together, and we kind of looked at each other and were like ‘We could do this better. We could do this differently.’”

Schlemmer emphasized how much they seemed to stand out among the other former couples in the class. While most other pairs would come in bickering or angry with one another, he and Steed were more than amicable.

This behavior, as Schlemmer said, even got the attention of the classes’ instructor. In a program meant to ensure parents are able to take care of their kids through the divorce process, Schlemmer and Steed already seemed to be doing what they needed to do.

“We always got along well. There was no animosity,” Schlemmer said. “We sat next to each other. We laughed, we talked. We put, pretty much from day one, the kids first over everything.”

The main area they felt unequipped for – even while attending the class – was finding the right words to help their children work through the process and remember that they’re loved.

Unable to find any books that met this particular need, they soon set out to fill the niche themselves.

As they recalled, they made tremendous progress in that first year, though they quickly found themselves busy with work and kids, and the project was pushed to the back burner for some time.

It was more recently, with both their son and daughter going through college, that they decided it was time to finally finish their book.

“P.S. We Love You!” is specifically geared for a young audience ranging from pre-school to third grade.

Steed offered a brief overview of the book’s core messages and goals. Among these is the hope of normalizing the more concrete change in family structure, as it can be very difficult for small children to grapple with suddenly going back and forth between two houses rather than staying in one.

“That comes with a lot of struggle and a lot of adjustment for a kid, really no matter how old they are,” Steed said. “Definitely we touch on that and while it might seem scary, it’s going to be OK and actually can even be fun.”

Steed also touched on what is seemingly the book’s largest point, expressed in the title.

She spoke about how they want kids to understand that, even though some time will be spent just with their mother or just with their father, both their parents will always be available to love and support them.

Steed and Schlemmer further spoke about how the book seeks to help children work through any negative feelings they might be experiencing through the divorce while also pointing to any benefits that can come with the changes.

Schlemmer noted the book might even be beneficial for parents to read in order for them to get a better idea of what their kids might need to hear.

On getting the book published now, Steed and Schlemmer said they might have been slightly ahead of their time when they originally started the project.

The book, they said, will hopefully find a better market than it might have a decade ago as more of a focus is placed on the children in discussions surrounding divorce nowadays.

“There are more people now who are looking for ways to put the kids first,” Steed said. “When we were going through it and starting the process, it was really different. But the generations are changing, and people are looking for ways to put their kids first. I just think we were a bit ahead of our time on that.”

So far, responses to the book have been quite positive. As the co-authors described, they shared the book with a range of readers, including educators, parents and folks who experienced divorce when they were kids.

“We’re trying to get a wide array of feedback from a variety of different sources, and I think I can safely say all the reviews have been very over-the-top positive, especially from some of the elementary educators, even down to a couple daycare providers,” Schlemmer said. “They definitely see a need for this type of thing, and several of them said they are very anxious to get the book in their classrooms already.”

Steed and Schlemmer added that they are currently about halfway finished with another book geared toward the same audience, albeit with the subject handled in a different way.

“P.S. I Love You” is available on Amazon and at psweloveyou.my.canva.site starting Dec. 1.

Steed and Schlemmer also said organizations seeking to acquire copies quickly could contact them through this website.

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Andrew Unverferth

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