Have you ever been around someone who is so sensitive that you simply can’t avoid hurting their feelings?

I talked to someone not long ago about this topic, and it was an enlightening talk. This person, who gave me permission to share these nuggets of wisdom, had a lot of good things to say.

It’s been my experience that these types of people are usually pretty self-centered, worried only about being offended or how people are disrespecting them all of the time.  These folks are constantly looking for ways people offend them, and generally walk around with a sad-sack look on their face. They complain or make comments about things not going their way, and have a hard time breaking out of this mentality.  They have a hard time seeing anything to celebrate and they have a very hard time accepting anything that goes against how they think things should be.

But before I start pointing fingers, I need to own up to the fact that I’ve gone through periods like this too.  Maybe you have?  You know, times when we liked getting some sympathy and wallowing in pity a little bit.  

My wise friend said that there are ways to deal with times like this instead of wallowing.

First, any type of negative feelings or pain has to be released somehow.  There are a bunch of ways to do it, and some of it may even help if there is anger attached. Exercise, whether we like it or not, is helpful.  Kicking or hitting, like in karate lessons. Pounding the heck out of a piano if you play the piano. Three of my kids play drums and they tell me that it’s a good release. 

Something strenuous? Like cattle wrangling or something?

Another thing my friend told me about was examining what our “self narratives” or the “stories in our heads” are. We usually tell ourselves that someone is purposely trying to hurt us or not liking something we’ve done or disrespecting us. Most of the time, this is simply not true.  So, we have to examine closely what our inner voices are saying and talk ourselves out of feeling that way. 

I’ve said before, time and time again, that positive feelings hit me at the negative periods and weirdest times, and I can only surmise that this is God pumping a little positivity into my fat head during these times of inner turmoil.

Only a sadistic fool would walk around and purposely hurt your feelings all the time, so it’s best to just ask ourselves what this person is really doing. A lot of the time, we find that the situation we are getting hurt about has almost nothing to do with us in the first place.

My friend told me that the most important thing that we have to do when we find ourselves in a “snit” or a period of time when we are the most vulnerable, is to make sure we don’t pass these feelings on to others.  

Sometimes I get really tired of hearing old sayings like “hurt people hurt people,” but it’s true. How many times have you run into a sad-sack, maybe shared some exciting plan or news, only to have your “bubble popped” by that person?  It may or may not have made them feel better, but they were ready to rain on someone’s parade anyway.

I think probably the most important thing I learned from this conversation was to go on about your business and let the sad-sack person in your life work through their own stuff, without trying to kowtow or walk delicately.

It doesn’t really work, anyway. They have to make the choice not to be offended or hurt.  

You yourself will not be able to fix it for them.