The little girl was born and was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever seen.  The grandparents marveled. The parents doted and showered her with everything she wanted.  They never let her cry for long, and when she rolled over, sat up, learned to walk and so on, she did it sooner and better than any baby in history. 

The parents and grandparents were polite and nice to other parents and grandparents, but they knew this baby girl was by far the very best at everything.

And when there were parents and grandparents who talked about babies who weren’t walking or talking yet, or who ranked below their perfect granddaughter (and they ALL did), they all found it hilariously funny.

When she was old enough to know things, the parents and grandparents began to tell her how wonderful she was, and they would point out negative things about how other kids behaved and how other kids looked. They would tell her she had to be nice to others, but behind the scenes, she could always hold her head a little higher because she was the best. She looked in the mirror and said “I am the prettiest. I am the smartest. I am the best.”

Her parents and grandparents agreed and told her to never forget it.  

And when other kids were around who had flaws and shortcomings, the parents and grandparents and little girl thought it was hilariously funny.

When she was older, she learned she could control her parents and grandparents because she was not only above them, she was also in charge. They never wanted her to be in pain or be sad, so they gave her everything she wanted.  When she got a bad grade or didn’t get cast in the school play, they marched right up to that inept school and told off the stupid teacher or director who dared to mistreat their perfect child.

And the little girl, knowing she could control her parents and that any time anyone did something she didn’t like, she could get results by pouting and crying. Well, she found that empowering. And hilariously funny.

The little girl grew up, and for a short time, she had a group of kids who were in awe of her beauty and how “cool” she appeared.  They didn’t seem to care that she treated a lot of the kids poorly or that she was unfair in many aspects of life.  After all, they were lucky to be her friends.  If any of the kids balked at her treatment or went against her perfect judgment, she gathered her posse together to browbeat or make fun of the rebels.  

She found that bullying hilariously funny.

The little girl said and did whatever she wanted.  When she said cuss words at school or told the teacher she didn’t like her hairdo, the parents and grandparents thought she was a strong, opinionated person. They applauded her strength and pronounced her their perfect, sassy little spitfire; finding all that sass and rude behavior, of course, hilariously funny.

Her parents and grandparents had always given her money right and left, whether she had earned it or not. She was used to getting a $20 bill for losing a tooth, and when one of her classmates was excited about getting two shiny quarters under their pillow, she made fun of them and found it hilariously funny that her friend only got 50 cents.

Her parents had always told her teachers their little girl would be “the shining star” of the classroom and when she wasn’t, she would find any way she could to get the good grades. Her parents complained when the teacher caught their perfect child cheating, and the matter was swept under the rug; more than once. Her parents went to complain that she wasn’t in the accelerated class (which she wasn’t sharp enough to be in), and they made such a fuss that the school board asked that the standards for qualifying for the class be lowered.

The accelerated class is no longer an accelerated class. And of course, her family found it hilariously funny that they could get things done by complaining to the podunk, know-nothing school board.

She drove the shiniest and best car to school one day, but soon realized no one wanted to ride in her car when the other kids went to lunch or to the football game.

“We will meet you there,” they would say.

As her classmates began to grow up and head toward adulthood, they soon started seeing some things in their friend they didn’t like. Little by little, and one by one, her friends stopped hanging around with her. Many of them blocked her and chose not to be around her. She wasn’t chosen for prom court or elected to anything, because people were fed up with how she behaved. She began to receive some of the poor treatment she had dished out.

“Don’t worry, honey, they are just jealous of you,” said the parents and grandparents.

But that didn’t make it any better.  

She soon found that she could get lots of attention from boys, and since she had always controlled the male figures in her life, some of these boys who acted differently and actually behaved like leaders were attractive to her.  

She was also attractive to them, but for different reasons.

She had spent her life doing exactly as she wanted and eating exactly as she wanted. She never was made to eat her meal, but could always eat dessert, especially if she threw a fit. This worked until such behavior began to show  and she began to have trouble fitting into her clothes.

When she finally met a boy who could look past some of this behavior, she thought life would go on as it had. For a while, it did.  The boy was so enamored with her that he looked past a lot of things. Soon, however, he realized he had married someone who had a very skewed outlook on life.

“It’s OK, honey,” said her parents and grandparents, “You were too good for him anyway.”

When the boy divorced her, they all made fun of his shortcomings and thought it was all hilariously funny.

She found a few other boys who were game, but those relationships didn’t last either. Excuses were made, just as they had been when she didn’t succeed with friends, with teachers, with competitions, or with anything, really.

And although they tried to laugh it off, make fun, and dismiss it as hilariously funny, it wasn’t anymore.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have spoiled her,” said the parents and grandparents.

This young lady has continued to face obstacles, and continues to wonder how anyone with such talent and perfection could, over and over, run into so many out-of-touch and ignorant people; people who refuse to treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

And although it is tempting to find it all hilariously funny, it’s just incredibly sad.