I had an extensive and hilarious response from last year’s “non-thankful” column, so I thought I’d do it again.
Since I take notes when I get good ideas, and because people started sharing their non-thankful ideas last year, I had already had a pretty good list even before 2021 rolled around.
Now of course, some of the things people aren’t thankful for are serious things. And, because this is a humor column somewhat (I’m sure some find it incredibly unfunny), I will try to keep this light.
You know, I was still in single digits when the 1970s were here. However, I remembered the fashions well-enough that I thought they would never return.
Well they did, didn’t they?
Still, I thought for sure that the hairdo sported by the cool guys of the 1980s (not me) would surely stay at rest in the annals of coiffure history.
Nope. They are back. Believe it or not, children of the 1980s, the mullet has made a comeback!
I think they mostly look ridiculous. There are a few guys who can pull them off, but for the most part they are silly looking. To me, they resemble an outdated hiccup in American culture. A few of my column readers have mentioned this, and I am proud to stand beside them and say “boo” to the return of the mullet.
Loud talkers still get on my last nerve. These are the people who need and want attention so badly that they talk as loud as they possibly can. This is a control issue. I feel sorry for these people, but I don’t feel sorry enough for them to pay any attention. As soon as I notice a loud talker trying to dominate the environment around them, I turn my ignore powers on at full force.
The loud talker could be on fire and I would not notice.
Lately, I’ve been around a group of non-school children who are pretty good kids – fun, talented and lively. I can tell a few of them have been, how do I put this, indulged their entire life. So, I am not thankful for the parenting skills, or lack thereof, in the lives of these kids.
These are the kids whose hands shoot up in the air as soon as a question pops into their little heads. These are the same kids whose parents stop their conversation every time they ask a question. Their every little pondering is addressed, explained and they learn that all they have to do is butt into the conversation.
Parents, please use these words: “Not now, I’m speaking to someone else.”
You could also say “I’ll talk to you in a little while.”
Later, explain to your children how their needs can’t always be met right at that moment. Stop interrupting conversations with other adults to explain things and answer questions your kids have. You are only giving him/her more control, and we are creating monsters. You don’t need to blast them in public or humiliate them. Just gently shove them out of the way until later. Verbally or physically.
Whatever you can get away with.
It’s that time of the year again! Christmas carol time. Carols have been playing on the radio since early November, and it’s time to tell you how non-thankful I am for one carol in particular: “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.”
I have a white hot hatred for that song and would choose those dogs barking “Jingle Bells” before I’d listen to that stupid song again. I’m sure some guy has made millions off of that melodic bunch of crap, but it’s time for him to go enjoy his money and yank this hellacious earworm from the radio.
I’m not thankful for the mindset of people who are so self-centered and close-minded that they must talk about the business of others constantly.
Do you ever sit and talk to someone who makes the goings on of others their main topic? Those are the same people who rarely have anything nice to say about anyone. They talk about everyone, including their close friends and family. Talking about people and criticizing people makes them somehow feel alive and vital. It’s a very unfortunate and dysfunctional thing, isn’t it?
Make a New Year’s resolution this year and stop hanging around those people. Maybe they will wise up.
I’m not thankful for meetings. Most of them could be taken care of with a quick phone call, email, or text. There are some people who know how to run efficient and intention meetings though. God bless ‘em.
I thank you for reading. This annual column makes me feel a little bit cleansed and I’m breathing a little easier.
I’d love to read your funny “non-thankful” lists again. You can email me at email@example.com.
By the way, I hope “judgmental columnists” isn’t on your list. I resemble that remark.
Have a great Thanksgiving!