Faux pas | Mark’s Remarks

marksJerry Seinfeld wrote an entire television series about nothing. Or so he says. To me, the show was certainly about something.

But I guess it never had a main theme. There were little funny things going on all the time. Each character had an issue or an adventure. It was all usually about the little mundane things of life.

If you are like me, which I hope you are, I enjoy laughing at the little silly things that happen to us each day. It may be a little mishap or some little faux pas. It may be some bit of bad luck or just a little pain in the neck. Many times, it involves what we wear.

I mean, have you ever worn something to work that was uncomfortable but you didn’t know it was uncomfortable until you wore it for a while? I knew a gal once who wore her favorite skirt to work and she noticed that it felt weird on the back of her leg. It didn’t feel like it usually felt. She looked and the entire hem had come undone at the back. She ended up using an office stapler to fix it. I guess the rest of the day was a little more comfortable; hopefully the staples held up.

You’ve heard countless stories about people who have worn two different shoes to work. There are many ladies who have mixed up the black/ navy thing. Although guys don’t usually have this problem (our wardrobes are a lot easier and we have fewer choices), I’ll bet some of us have done it with socks.

Someone handed me a little “chicklet” type piece of gum last week. Or maybe it was a Mento. I can’t remember. However, I can tell you now that the darn thing has been washed and dried and is melted and stuck to the bottom of my left pocket.

Every once in a while, I reach in and tear off a chunk to get rid of it. I am not hard up enough to try chewing it again, but I’m wondering if it has lost its flavor through the laundering process. Sort of like the bedpost song.

We had a husband-and-wife team teaching with us a few years back and the husband was a coach. Many of us worked at the basketball game that night, and the wife, a person who had the same fascinating sense of humor that I have, came over and told me that her “neat nick” husband was worried about the bumps in his shirt, mad from hanging on the wrong hanger for too long.

We enjoyed watching the husband pat down his shoulder bumps throughout the game, almost as much as we enjoyed the game itself.

Perhaps my favorite story of a fashion issue is when the choir performed an Easter cantata one Sunday evening. The choir simply stood up in the choir loft and did the whole thing. Narrators would walk up to the microphone. Some folks would stand up from their seat and sing a solo from time to time. It was all pretty simple.

I like to sing. I like to perform. Singing at church is one of my favorite things to do.

When I am going to sing, I pay a little more attention to what I’m wearing. I probably make sure my clothes are ironed a little better. I might even slap on a tie.

On this particular morning, I was ready to go. I am thinking that I might have been in a hurry that morning, but I didn’t really think it was a problem until much later.

You see, after I stood up and did my narration or sang my solo (I can’t remember which); the cantata went on without any glitches. The congregation was appreciative.

Afterward, people say things to the singers like “thank you” or “wonderful job.”

This was the case on this particular morning. From what we were hearing, the congregation was able to worship and the cantata was a big hit.

Not one single person mentioned that, while I was standing there for there for all to see, my zipper was down. I didn’t realize it until after I’d left the church. Maybe no one else noticed, either.

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Mark Tullis

Mark is a 25-year veteran teacher teaching in Columbia. Originally from Fairfield, Mark is married with four children. He enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with his family, and has been involved in various aspects of professional and community theater for many years and enjoys appearing in local productions. Mark has also written a "slice of life" style column for the Republic-Times since 2007.
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