Narcissist Part 2 | Mark’s Remarks - Republic-Times | News

Narcissist Part 2 | Mark’s Remarks

By on May 16, 2018 at 9:00 am

Even if a narcissist is not particularly attractive to others, he or she is obsessed with how they look and are often addicted to shopping or material items.

Boasting about material things and flashing “stuff” as status symbols is a way for a narcissist to get more ego boosting fuel.  Narcissists often flock to other narcissists who fawn all over one another about their “stuff.”

It’s funny though: most narcissists can’t stand one another for very long and their friendships rarely last. Life is a competition for the narcissist and friendships rarely last. When friendships end, by the way, it’s always the other person’s fault.

Narcissists value their opinions above all others. Everything they think is gospel. Everything they have or make is beautiful and “the best.” Sure, you might get compliments about your own stuff from the narcissist, but your stuff will be “cute” and “fine.” Adequate.

You can never measure up to the greatness of the narcissist, their stuff or their lives. You will rarely get a compliment from a narcissist because that means you win and he loses.  Narcissists spend a great deal of time criticizing and belittling accomplishments. I once heard a person belittle almost every child in his daughter’s class, just to make sure everyone knew his child was the best.

Yes, narcissists have perfect children, too. And why wouldn’t they? After all, these children exist to feed his/her ego and are direct reflections of the narcissist. You may not be surprised to notice adult children often are at odds with their narcissist parents. Wonder why?

The perfection we see on Facebook is even more amplified when the person is a narcissist. There is not a hint of imperfection anywhere, and “selfies” are abundant. If the narcissist posts something on social media, it is to bring more attention and admiration.

Narcissists have their own reality, often stretching the truth or abandoning it all together.  He or she has to be the center of attention at all times, and when they aren’t, they either leave or begin belittling or acting in such a way to get back to the center spot.

Narcissists constantly change the subject back to them.  You may start out talking about a serious operation or illness, and before you know it, you are talking about the narcissist’s sore feet. Narcissists are highly judgmental, often judging others very harshly, even if they themselves are guilty of the same offenses. He or she feels very little remorse or sympathy for wrongdoing or causing others hurt, but their own pain is felt very deeply. Narcissists are highly sensitive and hold grudges.

You may have become friends with a narcissist. They can be very charming, fun to be around individuals. Narcissists know how to draw people to them, and as long as said people are admiring them, laughing with them, or paying attention, they can be wonderful people to be around. This is why some friendships with narcissists can last for a long time. When the adulation stops, you are discarded by the narcissist. That is until you are needed again. And after all, you owe them something so you should be primed and ready for the narcissist to come calling again.

Narcissists are primarily gift givers, but they always give things they themselves like.  The gift is meant to bring more attention and admiration. Also, if the person they are giving the gift to doesn’t go on and on about the gift, the narcissist feels slighted and resentful.

Narcissists would like the receipt to the gift you give them because they almost always return it.

The sad thing about these people is that their conscience becomes cold. They are unable to feel any reality, and the narcissist certainly can never have the defining moment in life where they say “Oh yes, that’s my fault.”  No. If the narcissist winds up with no friends, there is always a very wise and logical reason. Most of the time, narcissists feel the world is jealous of them. And why wouldn’t they be?

True narcissists are often formed out of tragic or unfortunate circumstances. Maybe they were abused in some way.  Maybe they were ignored or abandoned. Narcissists are often faced with issues early on, which cause them to depend only on themselves.  It’s rather sad.

Is there hope? I believe yes.  However, it has to begin with a ray of light that can only come from God. A narcissist has to wake up and realize things.  Sometimes, it takes a miracle.  But as we know, God is capable of miracles.

When you read this, were you like me and recognized some narcissistic qualities within yourself? If you did, you must realize you are not a true narcissist. Being able to see things within you that need to change; well, that’s not really a full-blown narcissist is it?

We all have the ability to be selfish, jealous, self-centered and concerned with comfort and “stuff.” Heck, we are human.

All in all, we have to make a choice if we are around narcissists.  The Bible tells us to avoid such people.  Yes.  We also need to love these people, pray for them and show them they are still of value.

After all, God created them too.

Mark Tullis

Mark is a 25-year veteran teacher teaching in Columbia. Originally from Fairfield, Mark is married with four children. He enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with his family, and has been involved in various aspects of professional and community theater for many years and enjoys appearing in local productions. Mark has also written a "slice of life" style column for the Republic-Times since 2007.