The Records in our Heads | Mark’s Remarks

“Oh, change the record!” I told you before that I am a fan of British television shows. I have come to understand and hold dear many of their expressions.

One particular show has a lazy yet lovable chap and his nagging, harpie of a wife always having an argument about something. When she starts in on him about something, especially if it’s the same stuff he’s heard before, he’ll yell “Oh for the love of God, woman. Change the flamin’ record!”

He’s heard it all before.

This is something I repeat to myself often; change the record, Mark! If you are like me, you may have some of the same hang-ups you’ve always had.  No matter how hard you try, they become a part of you. And they continue to cause you problems throughout your life if you don’t do something about them.

One of the records I think that has been playing in my head since I was quite young is the record “You’re not good enough.” Even though I know it’s wrong, I will often feel inferior to someone for a variety of reasons. It may be because someone has, in my opinion, a more important job or has a lot more money than I do. It may be because someone seems to be smarter or better at something than I am. Reaching adulthood, understanding more about people, and learning what is more important in life, has helped diminish the frequency that these “records” play. But they are still there. Sometimes, it’s as if someone has pushed that button on the old jukebox.  B2. The Inferiority Song.

There is also the record that plays a little tune called “Perfectionism.” It’s a nagging old song, one I’ve also battled since I was young. If things aren’t just so, I find it hard to relax.  Deep down, I’m afraid people will judge me if I can’t perform a task well, or keep my car, house and yard in tip-top shape.  If I’m late too much or if I can’t be depended on a time or two, I have a fear that I will be shunned. Again, I know better, but the record still plays from time to time.

Then there is the judgmental record. Yes, all those things above that I mentioned as things I fear are also things I embody, I’m afraid. I’m being painfully honest here, aren’t I? I judge folks according to their performance, their cleanliness and their “being on top of things.” Therefore, as you might guess, I find faults in most people and have been known to go on a critical streak about anyone who comes up in conversation.  My young son once said “Dad, you don’t have a nice thing to say about anybody.” And guess what? He was right. I oughta be ashamed.

When you deal with being a judgmental person and when you deal with perfectionism, it can sometimes be overwhelming. Because you have dark feelings in your heart, you are convinced people see this about you all the time. Therefore, another record that can play in your head is a loneliness record; one that makes you think that no one cares for you.

Eventually, this record, if allowed to play, will cause depression and hopelessness.  This record rarely plays for me anymore, especially since my son made that comment to me.  I’ve never forgotten it. Out of the mouths of babes. Bless him for his observation. Although I was ashamed of myself, I needed to hear it.

For various reasons, these records tend to come out of the archives and begin playing; often at strange moments in our lives. It may be due to how we were raised, or the people we deal with daily. It may be because our spiritual life isn’t as strong as it should be. There have been many a time in my life I’ve said aloud, “Nope.  Knock it off!” I could almost hear the scratch of the record as it stopped playing.

I pray that your “records” stop playing for you. Reject them. Often, they are so powerful that only turning to God will keep them from playing. I believe God is really the only answer when it comes to shaking off baggage and the negative feelings we have about ourselves and others. God can cause that old record player needle to quit working for good.

Maybe next time, if that record starts to play, you will only hear a polite bit of fuzzy-static.

Change the record!

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Mark Tullis

Mark is a 25-year veteran teacher teaching in Columbia. Originally from Fairfield, Mark is married with four children. He enjoys reading, writing, and spending time with his family, and has been involved in various aspects of professional and community theater for many years and enjoys appearing in local productions. Mark has also written a "slice of life" style column for the Republic-Times since 2007.
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