If you are like me, you have realized that our hearts are not always nice places.
I always wondered what it would be like to take a drive through the roads of our hearts. Mine would have a lot of dark places, potholes and spots of despair. On top of there being towns of joy that one passes through, there would be plenty of places that weren’t fun to visit.
Our hearts are complicated, often a mess. If there were roads in there, the driver would be met with a lot of road construction and “do not enter” signs, I’m afraid.
There have been times I’ve told people I was sorry about something or another, only to be met with “You don’t need to apologize for that.” Still, I felt I did need to apologize. You see, our hearts often let us know that how we were feeling at the time wasn’t good. So, I usually say back “Maybe you don’t feel I need to apologize, but I know what is in my heart.”
How many times have I sent an email, letter, or even left a voicemail dripping with sarcasm, rudeness, or flat-out sinful words?
I must admit to you that it has happened a lot in my life. I’m very brave behind a pen or keyboard, or when I’m not looking someone in the face.
Almost always, I come back days, weeks, months or even years later and apologize for what I’ve said. And it’s sincere. If the truth were known, I’ve felt remorse or regret for the words as they were coming out of my mouth or flying onto a page or screen. But pride and screwed-up satisfaction have caused me to keep on talking or writing.
At the time, I think I’m proving a point or causing change.
But there have been few times I’ve ever been thanked for spewing something out or telling someone off. People aren’t stupid. They know that when you speak such things, it’s usually what is in your heart. And chances are, it’s been there a long, long time. You’ve finally decided to get it out of there.
If you are lucky, people will forgive you. If you are dealing with the right person, they will care about you and accept your apology even though they know you have flaws and may even do it again.
I go through long jags of time where I am able to keep myself in check and avoid any type of problems with other people. I can only do it through the power of God and prayer, because I am typically a person who thinks everything is about me and everything is meant to offend me.
But every so often, I get ticked off or, more than that, decide that I’m just tired of being hurt by something or someone. And my heart is spewed out. Usually on paper. Sometimes on the phone or even in person when I get a heavy chin and use words I don’t normally use.
We have to be careful about what we keep in our hearts and what we hold on to. We have to be careful that what is kept in there is not something that is going to fester and cause lots of potholes and deterioration. Any type of crap that is harbored in our hearts has the potential of causing great damage.
And eventually, that damage will manifest itself somehow.